Dear Diary
by FictionalMe888
Summary: Brooke has committed suicide and she's leaves behind a diary. A dance moms fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Tears streamed down Paige's face. She gripped the book she was holding so tightly her knuckles were turning white. She hadn't opened it yet, she was too afraid. Too afraid of what it might say, too afraid to re-live the pain.

The cover read "Diary" in swirly gold cursive on a black leather background and it was all that Paige had left of her sister. Last week Brooke had committed suicide and this diary could explain why. Why Brooke decided to take her own life. Why she decided her life was no longer worth living.

_Knock Knock Knock._ "Paige can I come in?" Came Chloe's voice from the other side of her closed door.

At first she only nodded but then she realized Chloe couldn't see her so she let out a strangled "Yes" Chloe opened the door. Chloe's heart swelled when she saw her best friend, her twinnie, sitting on the floor crying. She walked over to Paige and wrapped her arms around her and she allowed Paige to cry on her shoulder she even cried herself.

After a few minutes the two girls pulled apart. "What did you want to show me?" Paige had sent her a text telling her to come over ASAP. So naturally Chloe had hopped in her car as soon as she got the text.

"This," Paige croaked, her voice hoarse from all the crying she had done in the last two weeks. She handed Chloe the diary. "I found this under Brooke's pillow."

Chloe took the book and stared at it fresh tears falling down her cheeks. "You want to read it?" She finally asked. Paige nodded.

"I just need someone to be here with me, I couldn't do it myself."

Chloe nodded her head, she understood. "Do you want to read it or shall I?"

Paige took the book from Chloe. "I will."

Paige took two deep breaths and flipped over the cover. Inside it said "The Diary Of Brooke Hyland" In Brooke's elegant cursive. Tapped to the back of the cover was a note written in black sharpie.

It read,

_**Paige **_

_**This diary now belongs to you. **__**Read it, PLEASE **__**I want-no need you to know what I couldn't bring myself to tell you. Read it alone or with friends, it doesn't matter. And after you're done you can do whatever you want with it. Share it with whomever you like.**_

_**Love**_

_**Brooke**_

Even more tears streamed down Paige's face but following Brooke's wish's she turned the page to the first entry. And read out loud...


	2. Chapter 2

_August 27th_

_Dear Diary,_

_I guess I should tell you who I am. My name is Brooke Marie Hyland. I'm a dancer my favorite style is acro and I like to think I'm pretty good. I'm 15, I have brown hair and I'm short. _

_My mom gave me this diary after the first season of dance moms finished and told me to write down everything that I was feeling. I thought that idea was stupid and I vowed never to write in it, but… I need someone to talk to. Someone that won't judge me or ridicule me. I just need someone to listen._

"I would have listened to you Brooke." Paige cried. "Why didn't you talk to me?" Chloe placed a comforting hand on Paige's shoulder and she continued reading.

_I guess I could have talked to Paige but… I'm scared. Scared of what she might think of me. I'm her big sister. I'm the one that she comes to when she feels sad and I wipe away her tears, I'm supposed to be the roll model (That's what Abby keeps telling me 'You're the oldest, be the roll model Brooke')so how can I tell Paige what I'm feeling? What if she never thinks of me the same again? I don't think I can take that. So I opted for the easier option, you._

_Maybe writing my feelings down will help. ...Maybe…_

_Love_

_Brooke_

That was the end of the first diary entry.

"I wouldn't have thought of her differently." Paige told Chloe. "I would have tried to help her, she's my big sister I love her."

Chloe pulled her twinnie into another hug "I love her too Paige, I do."

"Its getting late. You should probably go home." Paige mumbled into Chloe's shoulder.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked.

Paige shook her head. "But I'll be fine. Go."

Reluctantly Chloe nodded her head and started to get up. "Promise you won't read anymore without me?"

Paige nodded her head. "I promise, I wouldn't want to do this alone anyway."

"Are you going to dance tomorrow?" Asked Chloe. Paige thought about it for a while then shook her head.

"Its to hard. Maybe next week." Chloe nodded and got up stopping at the door to look back at her friend one last time staring at the diary with a distant look in her eyes. Then Chloe turned to leave closing the door behind her.

Once Chloe left Paige got up from her place on the floor and walked to Brooke's room diary tight in her hand. When she entered Brooke's room she didn't look around. She didn't look at the pictures that hung on the walls. She didn't look at the trophies that sat on the floor in the corner. She didn't look at the crowns that sat on the shelves. No she didn't look at any of that. If she did she would be reminded of all the memories she had of Brooke and Paige didn't want to remember she wanted to forget. If she forgot it would be easier.

So instead Paige set her eyes on Brooke's bed and didn't take them off the bed until she placed the diary back in its hiding place under her pillow. Then she closed the door behind her and didn't look back.


	3. Chapter 3

_August 28th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Life Sucks._

_There I said it. And its true, life does suck. It sucks even more than I can put into words. But i'll try._

Both girls sucked in a gasp. Why would Brooke say that? Did her life really suck that much? If so how could they have not noticed?

_My life hasn't been the best lately. But things really started getting bad this past week. At first it was just hurtful comments by people on the internet. _

"_**You suck Brooke." "She's not a good dancer." "Why is she even on the show when she can't dance?"**_

_Why should I care what they think? There just haters._

_That's what I tried to tell myself. But it hurt. Everything they said about me hurt. And I'm starting to believe the things they are saying. I realized they were right. I am a bad dancer._

"No Brooke, No! You're one of the best dancers I've ever seen." Paige whispered to the diary.

_Abby thinks it too. She never actually told me too my face but I know that's what she thinks. I'm always on the bottom row of the pyramid and she always yells at me. She never yells at Maddie like this, so I must be a bad dancer._

_Love_

_Brooke_

Paige closed the diary. She just stared at the wall in front of her for a while. It felt like hours to Chloe, but then she finally spoke. "I...I didn't know she thought that." Tears were still running down her face.

"You couldn't of, she never told you." Chloe tried to comfort her.

"She's my sister Chloe!" Paige yelled causing her to jump back in shock. "I should have known, I should have saw that she wasn't happy, I should… I should…" She couldn't finish she was crying too hard now.

Chloe took the diary from Paige's shaking hands and opened it to the next entry. She started to read out loud...


	4. Chapter 4

_September 5th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is friday, the first week of school-High school has come and gone. And I was really excited at first, this is what me and my friends have been talking about forever. It was going to be the best 4 years of our lives, we were going to have so much fun together._

_It was hell._

_Payton my ex-best friend (we used to be best friends but when I made it on the junior elite team and Abby kicked her off she just stopped talking to me.) she was the worst. She pushed and shoved me in the halls. She called me names like slut and Bitch._

_I tried to ignore her. But it was hard._

Chloe widened her eyes in shock she always thought Payton was really nice. She was nice to her anyways.

Paige felt a rush of anger towards Payton. Why would she do that to Brooke?

_And she spread rumors about me. Horrible lies. I can't even repeat them. I swear none of it was true. But people believed her anyways. People always believe the popular girl. Even my friends believed her! I thought they out of everyone they would have stood by me but no, they ditched me like last weeks garbage just like everyone else. _

_I eat lunch alone now, no one wants to be seen with me. No one will sit with me in class, no one will talk to me in the halls. Whenever they see me coming they walk the other way. They stay as far away from me as possible like I have some kind of contagious disease. I don't, you know that._

_Love _

_Brooke_

Chloe clenched her teeth she would have bet anything that was one of the rumors Payton spread. How could she do that? What did Brooke ever do to her?


	5. Chapter 5

_It was dark so dark. She couldn't see a thing only the stars that dotted the sky. "Hello?" She called cautiously into the dark._

"_Paige." Whispered a voice. Paige whipped around but no one was there. The voice sounded familiar but she couldn't tell who it was. "Paige!" This time it was louder and the voice sounded frantic and scared. Paige whipped around again from side to side trying to see where the voice was coming from. _

"_Brooke?" She called into the darkness. _

"_Paige!" This time the voice screamed her name. It was a terrifying scream that brought tears to her eyes. _

"_Brooke where are you? Brooke!" No answer just sobs. "Brooke?" More sobs. "Brooke answer me!" Paige screamed, blindly searching for her crying sister._

"Paige wake up!" Paige's eyes snapped open and she sat bolt upright in her bed.

"What!" She gasped.

"You were screaming in your sleep." Chloe exclaimed. Paige brought a hand up to wipe her eyes, she was crying. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" Paige looked at Chloe for a moment and thought about her dream then she shook her head.

"What time is it?" She asked.

Chloe checked the clock. "7 in the morning. I have to leave for dance soon." It was then that Paige realized that Chloe wasn't in her fluffy pink pajama pants and tank top she was in her dance clothes. A pair of black booty shorts and a Zebra print crop top. Her hair was in a high ponytail, swaying from side to side.

"When do you have to leave?" Paige asked as Chloe pulled on a pair sweat pants and her ALDC hoodie.

"I should probably go now I have a ballet private in 20 minutes but I could be a little late if you wanted me to stay and talk." She offered.

Paige shook her head. "No I'm fine go. Have a good class." Chloe gave Paige a hug before grabbing her dance bag and turning to leave. "Wait!" Paige stopped her. Chloe turned and looked at her best friend curiously. Paige suddenly felt very nervous. "A..are you going to come over again later?" She stuttered.

Chloe gave Paige an understanding look. "Sure, I could sleep over again if you want?" Paige nodded and smiled at her gratefully, that nightmare had really freaked her out and she didn't really want to be alone. "Alright see you later." Chloe waved to her and hurried out of the room.

**Clobird: Done dance, going home to grab clothes. Be there in 15.**

**Paigeymack: KK**

Paige put her phone back on the coffee table and went back to half paying attention to The Hunger Games. Ten minutes later the doorbell rang. Assuming it was Chloe she went to answer the door instead of her blonde friend waiting at the door was to brunettes.

"Hey Paige how are you?" Asked Maddie giving Paige a hug.

"Okay." Paige answered. Maddie let go and Kendall took her place giving Paige a tight hug before letting go.

"I hope you don't mind we just really had to see you." Maddie looked at Paige with worry plain on her face. Neither of them had heard from their friend since the funeral and they really needed to see if she was doing okay.

"Its fine." Paige assured. "Do you want to come in?" She invited. Maddie and Kendall happily accepted her offer. Then another knock came from the door and Chloe stepped inside.

"Hey Paige." She's shocked to see Maddie and Kendall there but gets over it quickly. "Hey guy's"

"Hey Choe." They all say.

"So what should we do?" Maddie asked.

"Do you care if they read the diary with us?" Chloe asks Paige. Paige thinks about this. At first she thinks it might be an invasion of Brooke's privacy but then remembers what she had written on the note,

_**Read it alone or with friends, it doesn't matter.**_

She shook her head and Chloe began to explain to the confused girls what they were talking about. "Paige found Brooke's Diary and she wanted her to read it so we've been reading it together. Do you want to read some of it with us?" Both brunette eagerly nodded their heads and Paige lead everyone up to her room where the diary waited.

Once up in her room Paige retrieved the diary under her bed and sat at the head off her bed. Everyone else sat around her in a semi-circle on the bed and listened as Paige read,

_September 7th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Sunday, the day of Starbound competition. Abby asked Payton to come along, Yahhh(Sarcasm). As if having her torture me at school wasn't enough she has to torture me at dance too? Abby gave Payton a solo and she's in the group dance, I also have a solo. Payton was okay for the first couple of days she just called me names nothing I couldn't handle. Sticks and stones, right? _

_Then she got really mean, hiding my stuff all around the den (how elementary, am I right?). She put salt in my water bottle, and not just a little it tasted like the ocean! I threw up all over Nick who I was talking to at the time. It was so humiliating. It'll be miracle if he ever talks to me again. She put glue in my hair brush yesterday. It took forever to get it out. _

_She did stuff like this all week, it was relentless. I seriously considered faking sick so I wouldn't have to see Payton. But then I would have missed dance and that would just make Abby hate me more. So I sucked it up and I went to dance._

_Now i'm sitting in a bathroom stall writing in you with tears rolling down my cheeks. I just performed my solo and I forgot most of it. I'm not brave enough to go back into the dressing room, Abby's going to yell at me and I can't take it right now. _

_The girls walked in a little while ago looking for me, I didn't answer their calls. I kept as quiet as possible so they wouldn't know I was here. Then I heard Payton say, "Did you see her face onstage? It looked like she was going to cry, what a baby!" Then they all laughed. "Your so right Payton, she's 15 and she still forgets her dance?" That was Maddie. I thought Maddie was my friend I guess I was wrong. "Brooke is such a cry baby." Kendall. There goes another friend I thought I had._

_Well I guess I better go, I can't hide in here forever._

_Love  
Brooke_

Paige remembered that day, after Brooke had run off the stage Paige, Chloe and Nia had went to side of the building to look for her and Peyton, Maddie and Kendall went to look at the other side. When they had met back up at the dressing room neither group had found her. A few minutes later Brooke had shown up and all hell broke lose. Everyone wanted to know where Brooke had disappeared to and the Abby entered the room. She had yelled at Brooke at the top of her lungs, it seemed like years to Paige until Abby finally stopped.

It had scared Paige so much she had never seen Abby so mad before. And all Brooke did was sit there and take it, with absolutely no emotion. It had amazed and worried Paige at the same time. She had asked if Brooke was okay and tried to give her a hug but Brooke had pushed her off and gave a harsh "I'm fine" before going behind the curtain to change.

Maddie and Kendall exchanged guilty glances. The same thought swirled around both their mind, they didn't know Brooke was in the bathroom.

Paige glared at them from her spot at the head of the bed. She passed the book to Chloe and pulled her knees to her chest. Chloe took the book and began reading the next entry.


	6. Chapter 6

_September 8th_

_Dear Diary,_

_School wasn't any different today than it was last week more names, more bruises, nothing different. I at lunch alone at the back of the cafeteria and I could see Payton and her friends pointing and laughing at me. I couldn't tell what they were saying but it was probably something along the lines of 'Brooke's so fat.' 'Brookes so ugly.' Stuff like that._

_At pyramid I was on the very bottom, not really a surprise. After I went back to the dressing room yesterday Abby really gave it to me. She was so angry, she kept screaming about how I was fifteen years old and that I shouldn't be forgetting my dance, she was so embarrassed that her oldest dancer couldn't even remember choreography. It seemed like hours before she finally stopped yelling, mom never once spoke up to defend me. She just looked at me with this disappointed look in her eye and shook her head slowly. If it was Paige in my spot you know mom would be yelling and screaming at Abby telling her that,_

'_**She's just a kid.' or 'People make mistakes.' or 'Well then maybe you should have given her more time to work on it.'**_

_Why not me? Am I not good enough to defend? Do I not deserve for my mother to at least pat me on the back and say 'Its okay.'? Mom always did like Paige more than me._

_I didn't cry though, It was so hard with every word Abby said and with every word mom didn't say the tears built even more. But instead I kept them in and I took Abby's criticism and pretended I couldn't see Payton covering her smile with her hand trying not to laugh. I pretended not to see the sympathetic looks coming from the other moms and the other girls. I kept all my tears inside and then cried myself to sleep. Save your tears for the pillow._

_Love  
Brooke_

Shock and quilt swirled around inside Paige, she never knew that Brooke felt that there mom liked Paige more. What if there mom didn't like Paige more would Brooke still be alive? Was it her fault that Brooke was dead?

"It wasn't your fault." Chloe whispered in her ear. Paige looked at her friends face, she saw nothing but sincerity for what she said. Chloe reached out to hug Paige, but she turned away. Deep down she knew what Chloe was saying was true but there was this nagging voice in her head telling her that it was.

"Someone just read." She mumbled to the ground. Chloe eyed her friend with concern but cleared her throat and continued reading.

**A/N: REVIEW! Is this good? What do you think? I'd love to know, thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

_September 12th  
__Dear Diary,_

_I cut myself today. _

The girls all gasped. "Why Brooke?" Was all Paige said.

With a slight shake of her head Chloe continued reading.

_It was just too much, the pain it hurt too much. The comments on the internet kept coming more and more each day and the kids at school won't stop! They just keep pushing and shoving and calling me names! I couldn't take it! _

_So I took the blade from my razor and pressed it to my wrist. I didn't cut very deep at first. Just enough to let a few drops run down my arm. _

Tears were streaming down the girls cheeks. It hurt to read that Brooke was in so much pain she started cutting herself.

_I was amazed by what I felt afterwards. I felt better. With every drop of blood that fell I could feel myself getting lighter like all my problems were flowing away with the blood. So I cut another line harder this time so I could let more blood through._

_Them mom told me it was time for dance and I had to stop. I'll have to remember to wear long shirts from now on._

_Love  
__Brooke_

They all sat there in silence no one knew what to say about what they had just read. After a while Kendal broke the silence. "Wow…"

Paige was jolted from a sort of trance and took the book from Chloe's hands. "You guys should go." Both Maddie and Kendall looked like they wanted to protest but Chloe shook her head.

"Paige is right it's getting late." She gave them a look saying go Paige has had enough. Both girls nodded at their friend and gave Paige a small hug before leaving the room. "Are you okay Paige?" Chloe asked.

"I'm fine just really tired." Her answer was muffled from the blankets that she had crawled into just a second ago.

"Okay Paige goodnight." And she turned out the lights.


	8. Chapter 8

_September 16_

_Dear Diary,_

_Am I fat?_

_I'm fat. _

_Today at lunch Payton came over to the table I was sitting at, alone. And dumped my tray on the floor. She said "Why don't you try a salad next time?" and then her friends chorused with there own insults "You could lose a little around the middle if you no what I mean." "You should just not eat then maybe you'll look better." "Fat." "Flabby." "Fatass." Just more names for them to bombard me with in the halls. _

_After Payton and her friends left I grabbed my bag and went straight to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and vomited up what little I had already ate for lunch. _

_I didn't eat any supper tonight. The girls at school are right I'm already too fat._

_Maybe if I lose weight the kids at school will like me? _

_Do you think that would work? I'm going to try._

_Love_

_Brooke_

**A/N: Sorry its so short. REVIEW! **


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